Saturday, December 20, 2008

feeling dark blue.

come back.
i don't want to have to see you go.
waving goodbye won't give birth to any pleasures unknown.
choking up because i can't bring myself to cry
this can't end in one night.

painted stars fall around us
dancing in the glow from our hearts
can't change that they pull us from
where we've been to where
we don't need to be where
we're not planning to fly.

stories that refuse to tell lies,
breath cold frost down our necks.
sending shivers to the sun
there's not an inch of warmth to be found.
only the blur of frozen emotions
tied by a noose

it holds together me and you.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Thursday, December 11, 2008

why shouldn't i love you?

it's a crime to love someone who doesn't love you to the same extent.

i'm guilty for loving you, you're my guilty pleasure.

i was told that
you don't have to cover up how you feel when you're in love

...but i try to anyway.

i can't help but love you, i can't change how you feel, but i want to.

it's insane, you're smudging my heart across the wall without even meaning to.

your eyes can so easily stare me down, you practically own my.

This heart, it beats, beats for only you,
My heart is yours.

i want to ask you love me?

Thursday, December 4, 2008

i don't

i don't want to like you, but you make that far too hard.
I don't want to lie to you, but sometimes I need to protect my heart.
I don't want to miss you, but I know you'll be leaving home soon.
I don't want to lose our friendship, but I can't help to want more.

I don't want to forget you, but that's not even possible.

why do i love you?
why do i hate loving you?

why don't you love me?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

shut up

your bombastic words burn my skin,
your fucking face tries to hard,
your silly laugh is like poison,
you're not as innocent as you look.
go away

Thursday, November 20, 2008

hush little baby don't you cry, mama's gonna sing you a lullaby[liee]

i have a very...different opinion on love than the rest of the world,
and i feel that's it's only in the love i have...almost experienced.

Love is a lullaby, but it's a hidden lie
a trap
you fall in to a deep, gossamer slumber,
your thoughts are clouded by the nostalgic hums
but when you wake up
it's all gone
never there to begin with
like the Sirens have finally captured your heart with their singing,
it's too late to turn back, you've already hit rock bottom.

It's actually quite comfy down here, especially to be sitting on rocks.

the funny thing is,
I can predict my own tragedy
my own downfall
after all I'm Cassandra
that's what I do.
I know I'm alone,
I know because that's who I am.
I can't reach the stars,
they're just a tad to dim,
just out of reach,
these syrup-dipped songs keep lifting me back to sleep,
and we all know.
Miss Distress cannot touch the stars,
at least not without her prince

xx oo

Sunday, November 16, 2008


i don't want to be alone.
please don't leave me.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

letting go.

I'm sorry for being so immature.
I'm sorry for missing what I never had what was "never yours"
and I can't, apologize more, I would never want to hold you back.
I'll learn to let go.

to let go.
to let go.

I'll learn to breath again.

and I, guess I acted without thinking I'm sorry for being
so callow, naive, I guess that's just me.
And even though you were not there
even when you did not see my stares.
I'll still feel guilty

no one was watching and I should have stopped me.

I should be able to let go,
I'm learning to breath again.
I am now able to let go,
I will not fall for you.

Maybe we'll share a smile or two
but that's just me and you
no us just friends no love...not lovers
Staying up and talking till the early hours
we'll hold each other's hands like a tricycle has it's training wheels
but we're gonna let go

to let go
to let go

I am breathing now
breathing cause it's necessary
but breathing still
filling my lungs up with life.

Hold me tight,
through this last night.
I can breath on my own.
I'm letting go


Saturday, November 8, 2008

give me

give me a reason to breath
tell me you need me
even if it's a lie
lie to me
tell me you love me
i don't love you
i'm lying.

write me a song

Photograph each day so we can live forever. I sit in the light to make the dark a little darker and I dance to move only you and I fight to kiss and make up. I scream for some silence. I laugh to laugh for once, not there so you notice I'm gone and I breathe cuz its neccessary and I sigh when I see the moon. I dream to make sleep less boring.. until there was you and I feel in the absence of heart and I plug my eyes to cry. I'm a hopeless romantic and kicking the habit but all hearts have darts.
-Automatic Loveletter Unhearted


I'm sorry, I didn't think this would be so hard...

Friday, November 7, 2008

forever blue

new look and feel
to match my mood

i cannot help the fact that i am missing you
forever blue
my heart sheds tears
for each waking moment you are not here.
i'll try to hold on
but each time i try to sleep
they come back to haunt me
these nightmares
reminding me that you're gone.
i'll wait for you, but i cannot wait forever

you could

give me a dictionary
give me the definition for every single word.

i could stay up and read until after the early hours
because i'm awake anyway

and i'd never find a word
not one simple little word

to describe how i feel.

Thursday, November 6, 2008


do not blame yourself.

i'm stronger than this.
I just need to fake realize it

ask me a question

you ask why i'm lonely
why i'm shaking all over

i can't utter a word
i can not
i'm not even going to try and talk about it.

i'm gonna go
like now
i can't do this anymore.

I know that the second i turn on the shower, I'll start to cry
because no one will be able to hear it over the water


how do you get it to stop?


i looked up the definition of heartbroken. it said:
adjective. (of a person) suffering from overwhelming distress; very upset: he was heartbroken at the thought of leaving the house.

funny, it doesn't mention love.
it's probably for the sake of people like me.

even funnier, it mentioned the word distress.
which has become very, common to me.

except, in the end.
I'm not heartbroken.
I'm happy, because I said I'd be if you were.

and how good can something that's
everything you could have hope for...but better

perfect for you.
and that's what matters

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

the day.

there's cold french toast on the table
a full moon hanging overhead
she's stuck in that room
where you've locked her up
and thrown away the key to her heart.

she waiting, waiting on a prince,
hoping that one day
one fine day.

her food will finally be warm,
and she'll fall asleep with sweet dreams
with sweet dreams.
she'll feel safe,
because his arms
will be wrapped around
her heart.
that'll be the day.

So hop on your horse
and command your armies
this cold blank cell
is like a plague to her heart.
She never wanted to be the damsel
but right now she's in distress.

there's cold french toast on the table
a full moon hanging overhead
she's stuck in that room
where you've locked her up
and thrown away the key to her heart.

she waiting, waiting on a prince,
hoping that one day
one fine day.

her food will finally be warm,
and she'll fall asleep with sweet dreams
with sweet dreams.
she'll feel safe,
because his arms
will be wrapped around
her heart.
that'll be the day.

so hang on every word.
don't forget her smile,
look into her eyes
and know it's right
you know you're right

i'll feel safe,
because your arms
will be wrapped around
my heart.
that'll be the day.

lets make this the day,
this is our day.

Monday, November 3, 2008


how do you hide
how you feel
for the most important person in your life?

how can you ignore
the nagging love
for you close friend?

how do you get by
when you can't even tell
the one you trust the most
how you feel
because it's for him?

oh lordy, i hate this.
i hate liking you.
you're happy.
i don't want to like you.
i don't want to take away your happiness.
you love her.
y'all have my blessing or whatever, i hope it works out.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


don't only last a night

they can haunt you forever

i love them

but i hate how much they scare me


you're in my dreams

i'm sending these good thoughts off to you

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Stars [11:11]

I wished I was a star in the sky.
It'd be like reading a book or watching a movie.

Suddenly, there'd be no more me and you.
No more problems or
pointless drivel

Don't you see,
we dug this grave
and buried ourselves
in it.

But this time, I don't
want you laying here with
me, this grave isn't
enough for two.

So now I'll spend my nights wishing,
while looking up at the sky,
that i'll be looking down at you.
Finally I'd sparkle,
show the world I'm bright.
Even if you weren't there to see me,
who says I'd want you back in the first place?

Being a star,
I'd watch everyone's colorful lives,
instead of living my own black and white one.
I'd press the pause button
on my moving pictures
only to sit down
and watch yours.

But tonight,
I already know what I'm wishing for,
and oh boy,
do I hope it comes true.
My realistic wish
of me...and whoever's my one true "you"


this isn't to say that i'm over all this yet
cause i sure as hell am not,
it's just a poem,
if you may,
a way to let my feelings out.

Sunday, October 19, 2008


i hate crying

Friday, October 17, 2008


strangers held in strangers arms,
don't forget to wrap it tight.
There's this thing called trust,
so easy to lose,
but it's depended on.

I trust you.
is more important than ily and I trust you.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

It Won't Get Better

Practice makes perfect.
The vague insanities that they use to try and wrap me around their finger aren't catching my heart.
They may be able to lie their way in and out of the situation, but it'll still be lying.
You can't change what you've done,
or what you should've done.
You can only let it haunt your mind
for your past mistakes are mistakes.
and lets face it,
you can't turn back the clock.


Define beautiful.
Beauty [taken from] is
the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

Beauty is an opinion.
Being beautiful is not universal.
So really, I can take a rose and rip it to shreds because it's not beautiful.
Who says love is beautiful?
What about when it's not two hearts finding each other? What about when it's broken?
Who says that's beautiful?

Point is,
I'm not beautiful.
My words aren't and my face isn't.
Nothing you can say can change how I feel or they feel.
Because it's their opinion.
If they don't want to call me beautiful
then so be it.
because right now
my writing is falling down a hole
that it dug itself.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

about you

those butterflies,
yeah, I get them all the time.
and when you speak to me,
well, my palms start to sweat like crazy.
when you stare me down,
with your deep dark eyes,
I wonder is you can hear my heartbeat
I love it when you hug me,
and adore the smile you get when you see me.

Boy, don't you see how I'm Falling Fast For You.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

confusion • ∞

to infinity and beyond
hold my heart,
hold your tongue.
Don't sweep me off my feet,
this world's not big enough for me and you.
Your silly drivel,
won't change my mind,
not this baby, not this time
Each curse from your lips,
as you try to reprogram my heart.
I'm not falling down that hole again,
I'm more comfortable at home.
So get out of my bed
my head
my whole life.
I'd prefer you stayed
but if you can't handle this then no.

Sunday, September 14, 2008


would you speak to me?
if I spoke first.
would you look at me?
if I tried to gain your attention.
Would you love me?
if I loved you back.

sometimes, trying just isn't enough

Saturday, September 13, 2008


this is all just a bunch of shit that I can't take anymore.
I don't think I'm gonna go out with either of you.
plus i have a billion tests coming up
and we have that huge meeting tonight

I really can't hold on to it
but what was I holding on to?
the thought maybe...idk


Friday, September 12, 2008

What if...

What if I tried to explain everything to you?
well I can't, I've tried. My voice tends to fail and my hands tend to sweat. Sometimes I choke on the idea of understanding myself.

I love thinking about the future, hate the past, and am often confused about the present.

I've been venting to a few of my best friends lately, and truth is, idk how much it's helping.
It won't change the fact that I still think about you.
am scared to be with him
and horrified when the word love comes up

We're not dating, and I don't plan on doing it soon. Although he's adorable and I really like him,
there are other things too.
plus, I can't just dump all these thoughts of you.

For some reason I can't explain why I did what I did. I'm constantly questioning it, and I wish I could take it back.

I'm scared.

Who will be here to hold me through the cold nights, if you're not going to accept all my "sorry" ' s. What if I really do love you...?

Sunday, August 31, 2008

That Feeling

What if I could explain that feeling to you? But what if I'm scared I'll regret it. What if I told you that I threw something in there, just to throw you off. What if I told you I might just might, feel the need to throw around that word. What is it again? Oh yeah, love.
*screennames changed. don't try to contact anyone using them

ColorMeCrazy (8:48:39 PM): i'm thinking
Marc-y Marc (8:48:42 PM): about?
ColorMeCrazy (8:48:53 PM): i feel like I want to tell you something but I seriously have no clue what
Marc-y Marc (8:49:00 PM): alright XD
Marc-y Marc (8:50:47 PM): tell me if you remember
Marc-y Marc (8:50:49 PM): :P
ColorMeCrazy (8:50:59 PM): it's not something i forgot
ColorMeCrazy (8:51:10 PM): it's that feeling in the pit of my stomach
Marc-y Marc (8:51:24 PM): oh
Marc-y Marc (8:51:26 PM): hmm
Marc-y Marc (8:51:30 PM): well, if you ever figure it out
Marc-y Marc (8:51:33 PM): you can tell me anything
ColorMeCrazy (8:53:25 PM): i no
ColorMeCrazy (8:53:31 PM): idk what i'm thinking
Marc-y Marc (8:53:47 PM): :P
ColorMeCrazy (8:54:18 PM): my thigh hurts. now i know what i'm thinking, train of thought, idk, flying pigs, make a wish
Marc-y Marc (8:54:32 PM): o-o
ColorMeCrazy (8:54:39 PM): dandelions, blow on one, but don't tell me it might not come true
ColorMeCrazy (8:54:45 PM): truth is crap
ColorMeCrazy (8:54:54 PM): the best part of believe is the lie
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:06 PM): it's not lying if you're just no telling the whole truthe
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:09 PM): **truth
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:12 PM): blogging
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:18 PM): why don't i understand this
Marc-y Marc (8:55:26 PM): understand what?
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:32 PM): why accept a hug from her and not your sister
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:37 PM): who is she, this other girl
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:42 PM): what am i talking about
Marc-y Marc (8:55:48 PM): who are you talking about?
Marc-y Marc (8:55:50 PM): Names!
ColorMeCrazy (8:56:01 PM): scream me a love song, pouring rain
ColorMeCrazy (8:56:05 PM): ahhhh blabbering
ColorMeCrazy (8:56:26 PM): uh, my brother, my friend in the hug sentence and idk in the one after it
Marc-y Marc (8:56:31 PM): ah o-o
ColorMeCrazy (8:57:16 PM): yeah
ColorMeCrazy (8:57:24 PM): ah, i don't know anymore

Yet I can't bring myself to spit out the truth. Why am I even writing this if I know you'll read it...? I feel like going outside and sprinting. But I need a hill, it's more work and takes more out of me. My knees often get this weak feeling, but it's weird, it makes me feel like I need to run. I don't know why. The last time this happened, I sprinted up and down a hill for at least 15 minutes. Then I went inside, wrote a song and sent it off to someone. I poured out my heart. It wasn't a love song. It wasn't meant to be one anyway. I know you got it. I have friends in high places, or maybe they were just the ones that gave it to you. I know what your reaction was. Yet I feel so guilty. I told Matt that I was scared I might be in love with that kid. Well guess what, I'm not It was a simple mistake. I don't know, what it was. But that's the reason I'm so scared to actually be in love, now. How do I know if I'm in love. How come I feel the need to talk to you every second of every day. We met, what, last week? Or maybe two weeks ago. And still we talk every day. It's getting harder, you know, this feeling in the


. I know I mentioned it to you, but as said before
When words fail, music speaks.
Although, this time, I'm not sure if there's anything to describe how I feel. How I hope you feel.
Oh god, I hope you feel this too.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Through Your Teeth

It's not lying if you're just not telling the whole truth,
but it can hurt a whole lot more than you think.
so drown my heart and move out to sea.
Just me. no you or your sins. just me and these broken wings.

'Cause sometimes we need a break from the real thing,
but what real thing?
are you lying?
And sometimes we just need, to explain all the loop holes,
tell the truth till the doors close,
and follow your heart out to sea.

Swimming in the waves,
pushed under by lies like lullabies,
just like lullabies.
holding each word close to your heart,
each memory,
from the start.

And even when you're not with me,
I can feel you, and hear your breathing,
And even when you don't think of me,
I'm still swimming,
trying to reach land.

so shut your mouth, close up all these lies,
tuck away your smiles, and kiss me goodbye.

Swimming in the waves,
pushed under by lies like lullabies,
just like lullabies.
holding each word close to your heart,
each memory,
from the start.

trying to erase these, footprints in sand,
remember where we went,
where it could have ended.
still choking on those words,
what you refused to tell me,
why wouldn't you tell me?

and, swimming, through the crashing waves (trying so hard)
and, singing me lies in my sleep (don't lie to me)
the lullabies of love (don't tell me no)
swimming in the waves. (you're pushing me down)
hearing those last words. (cover my ears)
this ain't no lullaby, it's a death wish. (but i'm still breathing)

Friday, August 22, 2008

Love, oh what it does to one's self

Rainbows are beautiful, and mainly found in fairy tales,
we're all given the chance,
when an opportunity comes knocking,
we are given the choice,
to pick up a pen and start writing,
our own fairy tale.

Spending cold autumn nights,
sitting on the rooftops,
watching the sun set, then learn to rise again,
shivering while wrapped together,
sharing small spaces, body heat, and a nice blanket,
maybe sipping hot chocolate or chai tea,

it's time to pick up this pen and start writing.

We could even paint the town, if you wanted.
The sky could be deep purple,
with churning blue waves.
Rolling green hilltops, gazing up at the stars.

Even if writing out the fairy tale, through the smooth and shaky times,
means getting a blister or two,
well I'm willing to do it...
that is, if I'm with you.

Let me be your student, your teacher, and your friend.
Let me be more than that and I'll love you till the end.

Spending summer mornings eating brunch and sharing smiles,
Blushing till it the sunburn starts to disappear,
and never forgetting the wonderful years.

During spring, I'll pick you flowers, and in the winter
we can have snowball fights.
Let the little kid shine through,
and we can make this last forever.

I want NEED this to last forever.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

A Box Of Crayons

Look at a box, a box of crayons.
It can be big or small, and it's usually squished.
It's squished with colors from every corner of the universe.

We can learn from crayons.

They may be different colors, but they manage to live in the same box.


Friday, July 11, 2008

"An artist uses lies to tell the truth"

One minute and the earth begins to shake,
Two minutes and my hearts begins to break Another minute and she makes me feel brand new
That's just three minutes with you
Four minutes and she's everything I see
Five minutes and she's were I wanna be
Another minute everything feels so new
I need six minutes with you
Six minutes
~Jonas Brothers: 6 minutes

Music is what keeps me spinning. It's the air I breath. It may be clean, it may be explicate...but it sure ain't polluted. At least, not the music I listen to.
The music with meanings, were words don't mean words, but they mean truth.
"An artist uses lies to tell the truth" well then lets tell the world. We can show them, we just need to connect.
Musically, emotionally, physically. We all share something.
But what?

save meh

i'm at camp.
it was amazing for a pretty long time until today
when i got doughnuts smushed in my hair
i hate my sis.
i'll post something more poetic later...maybe

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

A Garwhal for Gregory

Gregory Garbo, I still miss reading your blog.

and you'd be proud of me, I've only been using Photoshop for a day and I made you a present. It's this Garwhal. For those of you who don't know, a Garwhal is a Giraffe and a Narwhal mixed together.

I hop y'all enjoy it. :]


Monday, June 23, 2008


Why Greg Garbo?? Why?
Your blog was my favorite thing to read and now it's private.

Why, oh why?
this may just make me cry...

[go here: ]

Monday, June 16, 2008

Do you think time would pass us by?

Listening to: A Thousand Miles By: well technically it's by Vanessa Carlton, but Alice and I were just singing it.

This is going to be an odd post...I'm in school, and quite surprised that I could even get on blogger. Oh Well : ]
anyway, I'm in Synergistics Math [gag!!] with Alice [not gag!!], and she makes everything better : ] which is why this is my favorite class...because I'm with Alice.

Friends are for fun,
whether a few or more,
from rainy days to
boy daize.
Friends are forever and more.

"Like violence, you have me forever and after" ~Blink-182

Friends are forever and after : ]

GO ALICE!!<---she's my bffllllllll

now we'll write together. Alice in bold and me in italic<3:

Hi everybody!!!
I guess I'm the infamous alice, the one who makes everything better...
wait, it is infamous right, or is it famous?

anyways, cassie just stepped on my foot!
not on purpose! she is so not as cheesy as cheddar i thought. ("cheesy" is the best new word, btw, it now means cool) actually, TheJonasBrothers is the BEST WORD EVER!! I was just about to.... I'm not a loser cassie, shush yourself! stop making fun of me! just FYI, everyone, Alice accidentally wrote "I a loser" but she fixed it...and I repeat, LOSER! bahahahaha ily alice! You're my favoritist...favoritist whatever you are. favoritisit sounds like strawberry, you know like the ice cream. :]

Saturday, June 14, 2008

No Room For COWS

Ever had one of those days, you know, where everything seems upside down?
Shaking floors and shaky hands, disasters as natural as falling in love.

Smile like you mean it,
or frown like there's no tomorrow.

We'll stay up late, or at least until the cows come home,
cuddling and like puzzle pieces, we'll fit into each other's arms.
watching movies, and laughing up a storm...
and hoping, that the cows never show up at home.

Thursday, June 12, 2008


Paint the sky blue,
and scribble the grass green
color my heart red,
and carve it in a tree.

We see them everywhere. Colors.
Imagine a world with them,
everything black and white,
in the beginning it could be But after a while it's all just
same old, same old.

so paint your life a million colors

Monday, June 9, 2008

Take a step in my shoes...


I'm Cassandra
and I love to smile.

Art is my life; any kind of art pleases me.
and I love to write.

This post will be different then my other posts.
It's only an introduction to me, myself, and I...and the writing style is not even close to as poetic as I'm hoping it will be.

So here you go, and introduction to me:

I'm Cassandra (as you already know)
my favorite color is plum : ]
I love to read and write
art and music are my life
I hope that one day my writing will inspire someone else.