Sunday, August 31, 2008

That Feeling

What if I could explain that feeling to you? But what if I'm scared I'll regret it. What if I told you that I threw something in there, just to throw you off. What if I told you I might just might, feel the need to throw around that word. What is it again? Oh yeah, love.
*screennames changed. don't try to contact anyone using them

ColorMeCrazy (8:48:39 PM): i'm thinking
Marc-y Marc (8:48:42 PM): about?
ColorMeCrazy (8:48:53 PM): i feel like I want to tell you something but I seriously have no clue what
Marc-y Marc (8:49:00 PM): alright XD
Marc-y Marc (8:50:47 PM): tell me if you remember
Marc-y Marc (8:50:49 PM): :P
ColorMeCrazy (8:50:59 PM): it's not something i forgot
ColorMeCrazy (8:51:10 PM): it's that feeling in the pit of my stomach
Marc-y Marc (8:51:24 PM): oh
Marc-y Marc (8:51:26 PM): hmm
Marc-y Marc (8:51:30 PM): well, if you ever figure it out
Marc-y Marc (8:51:33 PM): you can tell me anything
ColorMeCrazy (8:53:25 PM): i no
ColorMeCrazy (8:53:31 PM): idk what i'm thinking
Marc-y Marc (8:53:47 PM): :P
ColorMeCrazy (8:54:18 PM): my thigh hurts. now i know what i'm thinking, train of thought, idk, flying pigs, make a wish
Marc-y Marc (8:54:32 PM): o-o
ColorMeCrazy (8:54:39 PM): dandelions, blow on one, but don't tell me it might not come true
ColorMeCrazy (8:54:45 PM): truth is crap
ColorMeCrazy (8:54:54 PM): the best part of believe is the lie
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:06 PM): it's not lying if you're just no telling the whole truthe
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:09 PM): **truth
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:12 PM): blogging
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:18 PM): why don't i understand this
Marc-y Marc (8:55:26 PM): understand what?
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:32 PM): why accept a hug from her and not your sister
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:37 PM): who is she, this other girl
ColorMeCrazy (8:55:42 PM): what am i talking about
Marc-y Marc (8:55:48 PM): who are you talking about?
Marc-y Marc (8:55:50 PM): Names!
ColorMeCrazy (8:56:01 PM): scream me a love song, pouring rain
ColorMeCrazy (8:56:05 PM): ahhhh blabbering
ColorMeCrazy (8:56:26 PM): uh, my brother, my friend in the hug sentence and idk in the one after it
Marc-y Marc (8:56:31 PM): ah o-o
ColorMeCrazy (8:57:16 PM): yeah
ColorMeCrazy (8:57:24 PM): ah, i don't know anymore

Yet I can't bring myself to spit out the truth. Why am I even writing this if I know you'll read it...? I feel like going outside and sprinting. But I need a hill, it's more work and takes more out of me. My knees often get this weak feeling, but it's weird, it makes me feel like I need to run. I don't know why. The last time this happened, I sprinted up and down a hill for at least 15 minutes. Then I went inside, wrote a song and sent it off to someone. I poured out my heart. It wasn't a love song. It wasn't meant to be one anyway. I know you got it. I have friends in high places, or maybe they were just the ones that gave it to you. I know what your reaction was. Yet I feel so guilty. I told Matt that I was scared I might be in love with that kid. Well guess what, I'm not It was a simple mistake. I don't know, what it was. But that's the reason I'm so scared to actually be in love, now. How do I know if I'm in love. How come I feel the need to talk to you every second of every day. We met, what, last week? Or maybe two weeks ago. And still we talk every day. It's getting harder, you know, this feeling in the


. I know I mentioned it to you, but as said before
When words fail, music speaks.
Although, this time, I'm not sure if there's anything to describe how I feel. How I hope you feel.
Oh god, I hope you feel this too.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Through Your Teeth

It's not lying if you're just not telling the whole truth,
but it can hurt a whole lot more than you think.
so drown my heart and move out to sea.
Just me. no you or your sins. just me and these broken wings.

'Cause sometimes we need a break from the real thing,
but what real thing?
are you lying?
And sometimes we just need, to explain all the loop holes,
tell the truth till the doors close,
and follow your heart out to sea.

Swimming in the waves,
pushed under by lies like lullabies,
just like lullabies.
holding each word close to your heart,
each memory,
from the start.

And even when you're not with me,
I can feel you, and hear your breathing,
And even when you don't think of me,
I'm still swimming,
trying to reach land.

so shut your mouth, close up all these lies,
tuck away your smiles, and kiss me goodbye.

Swimming in the waves,
pushed under by lies like lullabies,
just like lullabies.
holding each word close to your heart,
each memory,
from the start.

trying to erase these, footprints in sand,
remember where we went,
where it could have ended.
still choking on those words,
what you refused to tell me,
why wouldn't you tell me?

and, swimming, through the crashing waves (trying so hard)
and, singing me lies in my sleep (don't lie to me)
the lullabies of love (don't tell me no)
swimming in the waves. (you're pushing me down)
hearing those last words. (cover my ears)
this ain't no lullaby, it's a death wish. (but i'm still breathing)

Friday, August 22, 2008

Love, oh what it does to one's self

Rainbows are beautiful, and mainly found in fairy tales,
we're all given the chance,
when an opportunity comes knocking,
we are given the choice,
to pick up a pen and start writing,
our own fairy tale.

Spending cold autumn nights,
sitting on the rooftops,
watching the sun set, then learn to rise again,
shivering while wrapped together,
sharing small spaces, body heat, and a nice blanket,
maybe sipping hot chocolate or chai tea,

it's time to pick up this pen and start writing.

We could even paint the town, if you wanted.
The sky could be deep purple,
with churning blue waves.
Rolling green hilltops, gazing up at the stars.

Even if writing out the fairy tale, through the smooth and shaky times,
means getting a blister or two,
well I'm willing to do it...
that is, if I'm with you.

Let me be your student, your teacher, and your friend.
Let me be more than that and I'll love you till the end.

Spending summer mornings eating brunch and sharing smiles,
Blushing till it the sunburn starts to disappear,
and never forgetting the wonderful years.

During spring, I'll pick you flowers, and in the winter
we can have snowball fights.
Let the little kid shine through,
and we can make this last forever.

I want NEED this to last forever.